Buffy Kitten Poker
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Buffy: 'Yes, and then I'm going to marry Bob Dole and raise penguins in Guam.'
Ever since his first kitten poker game, he had used his dubious skillset to win as many kittens as possible with the intention of saving them. Of course, none of the demons he played with had any idea. He still had an image to maintain after all. Eating animals had never sat well with him. Saved by Natalie Crippa. Spike Buffy Buffy The Vampire Slayer Vampire Bites Buffy Summers Sci Fi Shows I Ship It Some People Say Joss. Summary: It all starts with Kitten Poker and gin, but that night leads to a series of events that Buffy and Spike didn't see coming: foul smelling demons, friend drama, and actually communicating about feelings for a change. Welcome, fellow Buffy fans! This community is dedicated to Joss Whedon's brain-child, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If you haven't watched through the entirety of both 'Buffy' and 'Angel,' there will most likely be a lot of spoilers. Read at your own risk! For as long as there have been vampires, there has been the Slayer. A 'Multiple Crossings General' fan-fiction story. Mostly 100 word Buffy and Angel crossover drabbles with The Shield, Deadwood, Hellboy, Rounders, The Drew Carey Show, The Sopranos, and Star Trek. Detailing my peculiar obsession with kitten poker. 'The Kitten Poker Drabbles', chapter 8 by trinfaneb.
This one was really wonderful, and I sure couldn't tell it would be from the preview. We had Buffy making three attempts to enter into a normal life, and all three screwed up by our trio of supervillains. The time slip at school was fun and the construction site thing was okay, but they paled next to Buffy's experience in retail. I thought the whole mummy hand sequence was one of the funniest things I've ever seen on this show.
I absolutely loved our villain trio this time. What frightened me was that I got every single geek reference: the Death Star, the Logan's Run references, the specific X-Files and Next Gen episodes they mentioned; I even got the Monty Python reference. (Dan and I were actually saying 'This is an ex-mummy hand!' before it came up.) Talk about funny? 'Stop touching my magic bone!' Dan and I were also howling over the Connery/Moore/Dalton controversy.
Buffy was more like Buffy in this episode – except for the drinking. But I loved Buffy getting drunk with Spike. Buffy is still Buffy, but she's going through some heavy changes right now and I totally believed her getting drunk. I also loved the sound Buffy made every time she chugged one down. Was this their first real date? Is it official that Buffy is now dating a neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker?
My only complaint about this one is why didn't Buffy rescue the kittens?
Bits and pieces:
-- In the 'not as good as a crossover bit but at least it's something' department, Buffy said that it was intense seeing Angel. That was more than we got from him on Monday night.
-- Knowing Giles is always going to be there makes Buffy feel safe. But he isn't going to be around for long, is he?
-- The construction boss called Buffy Gidget, Britney, and Princess, all in the space of about three minutes. Sexist much?
-- It was probably for the best that Buffy's retail experience didn't work out because truthfully, who'd want Anya as a boss?
-- The effects and makeup got better, didn't they? Must be all that new UPN money.
Quotes:
Willow: 'You're not dumb. Just rusty.'
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Buffy: 'Maybe I should ease back in with some non-taxing classes, like, introduction to pies, or maybe advanced walking.'
Jonathan: 'I need you to hold hands.'
Andrew: 'With each other?'
Warren: 'Well, you know what homophobia really means about you, don't you?'
Jonathan: 'Stop touching my magic bone!'
Female customer: 'I need something for a prosperity spell. I heard you have it. The mummy hand?'
Buffy Kitten Poker Video
Buffy: 'Uh, yeah, actually, I saw one downstairs. It's kinda hairy, though. Maybe it was a daddy hand.'Buffy: 'And you get the dagger of Lex for free with it! See the inlaid mother-of-pearl underneath the black oozing goo?'
Female customer: 'This hand is dead. The power is gone, I'm not giving you money for this!'
Buffy: 'Oh, it's just playing dead. (swats the mummy hand) Little scamp.'
Anya: 'Don't worry, don't be nervous. Do what I do. Just picture yourself naked.'
Buffy: 'Fingers sold separately.'
Spike: 'You're not a schoolgirl. You're not a shop girl. You're a creature of the darkness. Like me.'
Buffy: 'Look at stupid Buffy. Too dumb for college. And freak Buffy, too strong for construction work. And my job at the magic shop? I was bored to tears even before the hour that wouldn't end! And the only person I can even stand to be around is a neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker.'
Warren: 'I mean, there's a shot of, like, pigeons doing double-takes when the gondola blasted by. Moonraker is inexcusable.'
Very funny. Loved it. Four out of four stakes,
Billie
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Billie Doux reviewed all of Buffy and Angel, so she knows the plural of apocalypse.
- Next episode
- More of the Groundhog-esque
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer season 6
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer home
A/N - Just a quick thing I came up with when I should have been paying attention in class. Let me know what you think because I have ideas for loads more of these.
The cardboard box he carried was swaying dangerously as its occupants moved around inside. Tiny pattering sounds and high pitched mewls issued from under the partially closed top. The racket had attracted more attention that he had expected, several people shooting him odd looks as he hurried down the street as naturally as possible. The last thing he needed was for the police to stop him and ask why he had a box full of -
'Kittens!' Spike growled as a small paw appeared from a hole in the side and tried to swat at his hand with the tiniest of claws.
Readjusting his hold so his fingers were clear of the probing paw, he glared down through the top. A dozen pairs of eyes glared right back, the meows becoming even louder.
'You lot are ungrateful. Without me helpin', you'd end up some demon's dinner.'
The kittens, predictably, did not care he had rescued them. They were far more interested in escaping their prison.
He sighed, a long suffering noise that escaped from flared nostrils. 'D'you know how much cheatin' I had to do to save you all? Demons play kitten poker specifically to eat you. A little gratitude would be nice.'
William the Bloody was many things but an animal abuser was not one. Ever since his first kitten poker game, he had used his dubious skillset to win as many kittens as possible with the intention of saving them. Of course, none of the demons he played with had any idea. He still had an image to maintain after all.
Eating animals had never sat well with him. People, sure. Humans were nasty creatures to begin with. They were capable of just as much evil as he was, sometimes even more. Animals though, they were innocent.
And not even he could pretend kittens were not simply too adorable to be food.
It was getting late. He had to hurry or the local shelter would be closed before he got a chance to drop off his winnings. The first few times he had shown up, usually a little bloody from overzealous poker mates and somewhat inebriated, the people running the shelter had been wary. Now though, it had merely become routine. No questions were asked, everyone content with the knowledge he was keeping local strays off the street.
It was his good deed for the millenium.
The shelter, just down the street from the Magic Box, was still lit, the open sign glowing from the window. He increased his pace, casting glances at the Magic Box.
This was the most dangerous part of the operation. The Scoobies were constantly having meetings, none of which he was ever invited to, and he could not imagine what would happen if they caught him skulking around with a box full of fluffy kittens.
They would assume the worst and try to stake him for it probably. No, definitely. Red had owned a cat and not even Dawn would side with him if she thought he was going to eat the poor creatures. Curse of the vampire, every action just had to be demonic.
Pausing outside the shelter, he made sure no one was on the street before repositioning the box on his hip and shouldering the door open. One of those ungodly bells rang, echoing in the small space.
A woman, bespeckled with grey hair pulled taut in a ponytail, looked up from the magazine she was reading.
'Oh William! Back again so soon?' she asked as he set the box on the counter.
'I just happened on them earlier.' he said, watching as she pulled out one of the kittens for inspection.
It was a skinny little thing, too large ears sticking out from its head like bat wings. As the woman rubbed its back, a faint purr rumbled from it, the entire black body shaking.
'Well they look like they're in good health.' she commented. 'Not that I expect anything less. You have quite a knack for this.'
He wondered how she would react if he told her the only reason they were kept so healthy was because then they were worth more on the poker table.
'They find me.' he shrugged.
'You're being modest. One day I'm going to force you to tell me how you find so many strays.' she smiled warmly.
He chuckled, imagining her kneeling over in horror as he told her the truth. 'Well, I best be goin' then. Lots to do.'
Buffy Kitten Poker Games
'Take care.' she picked up the box and disappeared into a back room.
He exited the shelter and dug into his pocket for a cigarette. Lighting it defty, he stuck it between his lips and made his way towards the Magic Box. Light was peeking through the closed blinds meaning something was afoot. A little mayhem seemed good right about now, something to reset the cosmic scale. He had done good, time to let the Big Bad out a bit.
Flinging open the door, he sauntered in. Immediately, Buffy, Giles, and Xander scowled with varying degrees of irritation. The others essentially ignored him, accustomed to his displays. Dawn alone offered him a smile, gesturing to the empty chair besides her.
'What are you doing here?' Buffy asked, arms crossed as she eyed him darkly.
The defiant look was a bit lost on him, mostly because his chip almost ensured his survival. She would not dare to kill something as 'defenseless' as he. Taking Dawn's offer, he sat down backwards in one of the chairs and looked around the opened books scattered around the table.
Buffy Kitten Poker
'I was jus' takin' some kittens to the shelter and saw the lights on. Thought I'd drop by and offer my help.' Someone had left a box of donuts out and he snagged one deftly, taking an unnecessarily large bite.
'You, saving kittens?' Xander rolled his eyes.
Buffy Kitten Poker Videos
Spike smirked to himself, swiping his tongue across his lips to remove any icing. 'What? Coulda done it.'
'You're a vampire.' Buffy said as if he were stupid. 'And evil.'
He held up his hands mockingly. 'Alright you caught me. I was lookin' for this vampire bint. She's bloody annoyin' but has the biggest rack I've ever seen in my unlife-'
A chorus of groans greeted his words and everyone went back to trying to pretend he was not there. Not altogether bothered by the reaction, he grabbed another donut and contentedly watched the others labor through another game of find the demon.
Buffy Kitten Poker Rules
Maybe tomorrow he would stop by Willy's and inquire about the next game. Clem had mentioned finding a litter of ginger kitten a few days ago and he had a soft spot for the tiny tigers...